Where I'm At, Spiritually Speaking :)

Tomorrow I go in to see the specialist for my thyroid, where he will read my bloodwork and ultra sound, and perhaps perform a needle biopsy. Today I feel compelled to share just where I'm at, emotionally and spiritually speaking. Because tomorrow might either bring an answer, or bring more waiting for the answer to why I have this growth on my neck. TODAY is where FAITH either rules or loses in the unseen battle ground of my mind and heart.Its funny how the possibility of having cancer suddenly puts life in a different perspective. Though my physical vision has not changed, I SEE things differently; how the morning sun hits the houses and cars and streets, seeing my kids dance, or sing, or argue with one another, making my bed & other mundane chores, picking out a Christmas tree. It just changes things. What used to be things to experience quickly and get on to the next thing to check off my way too busy to do list, the simple things suddenly seem more important, and I want to be more present. Cuz what if.....that whole mind game. But those thoughts can be paralyzing and grip one with fear, and I choose not to go down that path. So what do I choose? TODAY; when I don't have answers, and the solution might be as simple as taking supplements, or as serious as surgery and fighting the "c" word.I have professed to believe in, and follow Jesus Christ. I profess to believe he came specifically to take the punishment for our transgressions so we don't need to try to "earn" our way into heaven (impossible anyway according to the bible), but to graciously accept the gift of him taking the blame for things I've done and have yet to do. A gift that is offered to every single human being. Well, I accepted that gift for me personally when I was 17 and had made decisions that scared me at how self destructive I could be with the best of intentions. I have put every single proverbial egg I have into that basket. And I've not looked back. The me without the influence of Jesus Christ is selfish, and unloving, and as I said before; self destructive with "good" intentions. I like the me so much better who is living in undeserved grace, and freedom, and forgiveness, and faith, hope and LOVE. :) Faith. Faith. FAITH. What IS faith?I was in Atlanta last week with Equip Leadership Inc.; John Maxwell's non profit organization that specializes in training and mobilizing effective Christian Leaders, where I heard of some great things going on globally with the message of Jesus Christ. But President Tom Mullins said something that I wrote down, and now tell myself daily: Faith is not FAITH until it is tested.  And so I get into God's word (the Bible) and read all about his character, and integrity, and LOVE, and I remember why and more importantly Who I have put my trust in. And as I walk out what's to come, I remember what his Word says: "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." Psalm 103:8"For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." 2 Chronicles 16:9"For God so loved the world that he gave His only son that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8"..being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6So it turns out, I do have a cancer of sorts: sin in a temporal body. My body will die, I just don't know when or even the particulars as of today.  I remember that God WILL finish what He has started in my life, according to HIS plan. And do I trust that plan? Yes, I really and deeply do. So today....my FAITH is put into action by being tested by what may or may not be. And as I ask for your prayers for it to NOT be cancer, (the bible encourages us to pray for one another: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6) I also allow this testing of my faith to strengthen it; because I REALLY DO have faith in the ONE I believe is worthy of my trust. And I place my life on the line of that trust. :)In Relentless Pursuit of Excellence,TRACI :)